Thoughts at the beginning of a volunteer year

By: Portia Hurney

As a full time stipend volunteer for Christian Communities Group Homes, it only makes sense to write a short blog this month. CCGH couldn’t even begin to do the work that it does without the help of volunteers. Our Age in Place program continues completely because of the generosity of volunteers. Hundreds of seniors are served because of the volunteers’ willingness to give up their time and energy. But why do they do it?

I can’t speak for the hoards of volunteers that have come through our program, but I can speak for myself. I often have people ask me, “Why do you volunteer?” I find myself struggling to answer the question in a way that is even moderately coherent. Obviously, one doesn’t volunteer for the money. Instead, we might do it because there’s some small part of us that wants to make a difference. We might not change the world, but we can try to make a significant difference in a few people’s lives. That’s what we do at CCGH. Not only do we house seniors in need, but we address the small, basic things, such as cleaning and yard work.

Perhaps an easier question to respond to is, “why volunteer for seniors?” We—especially young people—frequently forget about seniors. Sure, we want to help people, but most of the time we spend our free time and energy on children and youth. Seniors are easily forgotten, and an urge to remember them is precisely why I have chosen to volunteer at CCGH.

I’ve been working at CCGH for only a month, but in this short time, I have realized that volunteering may not be just about helping a few people out. Instead, I end up learning from the seniors I am working with. It’s strange to say, but it’s like those plot lines you read about, or see in the movies. Someone visits a senior, and ends up growing because they have learned so much from something as simple as a short conversation. I volunteer, especially with seniors, because they have things to teach me. They have stories to share. So for me, volunteering provides a chance not only to make a difference, but also to learn and grow as an individual and build relationships and community. And no matter our age, isn’t that what we all ultimately long for?

Thoughts on Volunteerism

Volunteering is the theme for September’s Viewpoints on Aging and with President Obama’s framing of September 11th as a day of voluntary service as a way to remember the victims of 9/11, I encourage us to:

1) consider, plan and implement projects within our congregations each year for 9/11 that strengthen and enrich our communities. And, I’ll add a plug here for a volunteer activity based on housing needs of older adults, whether it be directly serving an older adult with yard work, or small home repairs or helping to plan a larger scale advocacy or awareness campaign.
2) list your service project at www.serve.gov

On a similar vein, I encourage us to reflect upon how we in the churches rely on volunteers to do the work of the church, to create communities of faith, and to love one another.

Who are our “workers”, our volunteers? Do they fall within a particular age group? (“betcha” most are over age 50!)

How do we prevent burn-out of the Same Few People Who Do All the Work?
How do we recruit new volunteers?
How do we acknowledge our volunteers?
How do we mentor our new volunteers? How can we welcome someone who offers to help but has no clue what and how to do a task you currently perform.

Do you ever hear this statement: “Help, I’d love to step back, I’m so tired, but no one wants to take on this task.”
I’d love to host a discussion on this very common plight.
Email me with your thoughts, reflections or concerns at pvs@esm.org or post a comment here.

Thanks!

Redefining a Graying Church as a Growing Church

The Rev. Joy Rose, at St. Paul’s Piney, is writing her doctoral dissertation on the church’s approach to Aging. Sadly, she reports “It’s not positive”. She envisions a different approach. ‘A graying church is not a dying church but a different church’ is a quote she read. That started me to wondering what a graying church might look like.

Here is a personal “whine”: All too often the Church places little attention on its older parishioners. “Senior” Ministries often implies programming for the frail elderly rather than those whose lives reflect vitality. Our language is part of the “problem”. The word “senior” feels like an ending, rather than a rebirth or wisdom.

Here are two positive notes: At St. Paul’s Piney, the group for older adults is increasing in attendance now that its name is the Over 55+ lunch group. Mother Rose is encouraged by this growing and vital ministry.

And, Reformation Lutheran in Culpeper VA reports that “When we started focusing on our senior ministry, our youth and young adult numbers started growing…. The senior ministry has brought renewal” (Culpeper Star-Exponent, August 17, 2009). Read this article and learn how this church in Virginia is growing its congregation. http://www.starexponent.com/cse/lifestyles/culpeper_news/article/vbs_not_just_for_kids_anymore/41490/

What might a graying church look like? I’m not certain but these are a few thoughts I’ve considered as a member of the senior “tribe”.
But I know that we older folks fall in love or lust, or not; date; get married (or not), dance, take on new careers, travel, have fun, and often take on some of the care of grandchildren. We know how to save… money, time, and energy. We value our friends, young and old.
We are seasoned self-reinventors. We have lived through so many changes and know we are resilient.
We provide great advice – based on experience!
We have more freedom, if retired, to take on new hobbies, other occupations, new challenges.
We have grown beyond seeking to please.
We value our life, health, our friends, our faith, our church, more fully.
These characteristics seem to me to be the breath of fresh air that our churches crave and need to grow.

So a graying church can be a church of great … potential and wisdom, a church of innovation… and sometimes too, a church where comfort in the familiar may be found.

And when congregations talk about us as frail and to be cared for…know that that aspect of us is true AND it is likewise true that we are vital, life-bringing, leaders in the church. On which do we focus?
So, I challenge us all:
We older adults have re-invented ourselves many times in our lives.
Can we not refocus from viewing “senior” as deficient and reclaim “senior” and “elder” so that we acknowledge ourselves as “wisdom-holders” for our families, our communities, our parishes, and our society. Let’s gray and grow our churches. The younger generations will follow. Just talk to “those people” down in Culpeper.

Not Just for the Aging…. The WHOLE Picture of Me…. Preparing for emergencies.

OK, I hear all the stories, and heck, I’ve even dealt with the messy aftermath of handling the affairs of a deceased loved one. I know the vital importance of keeping a master document with all the information of my life so those left behind can step in and take care of my affairs.

And yet, I have only partial information collected on myself. I rely on my mind, my health and my filing system. I know who my friends are, how my bills arrive, what I own and when, where my records are stored (pets, family and my own health and financial records) and what arrangements I’ve made “in case of”. Yet, only I have “my whole record-keeping picture”. (And that’s ignoring my own values legacy.)

I do understand that having updated records, easily yet safely retrievable, is an act of love. And, life is busy. It is hard to find the time to get all my affairs in order.

Because this is a document to be used by someone else, when I cannot. Scary.

So what does a procrastinator like me do?

I can:
a) Spend a week collecting everything
b) Commit to create a series of manageable steps

I vote for “b”.

So what records are essential? For an excellent overview, I’d read Trent’s blog at www.TheSimpleDollar.com “preparing your information for disaster”. Trent suggests a binder with these essentials:
1) a basic emergency plan (items you would grab first; how to locate shut-off valves, key contacts)
2) Key information about each family member (personal information, work or school id, health information, medication list, physician, medical history and copy of will, powers of attorney, trusts – either copies or where the information is located)
3) details on all insurance policies
4) details on all banks, investments, key property title locations, legal partnerships, debts, credit cards, legal representation.
5) details on all service providers
6) inventory of all possessions
7) updating your document(s) paper & electronic storage
create a list of friends and family contacts– and whom I’m asking to do what.
9) giving designated individuals a copy of this master information.

So here is my public commitment to get started. I have steps 4 & 5 completed. I’ll commit (and report back) to you, the readers of this blog, at least one step per month.

M.D.: More than a Doctor

A couple of weeks ago I met up with a M.D. friend of mine, who works in the Emergency Department of a local Washington Hospital. Due to the long hours he puts in at the hospital, we are able to get together occasionally. However, when we do, we have much to talk about, mainly because we serve a common population: older adults.

Over the years, this friend has talked about the staggering percentage of patients in his ER over 80 years of age, given perspective on the little that ER Doctors can do with chronic patients, and questioned the threadbare relationship between nursing homes and Emergency services. Yet, on this occasion, he turned the conversation back to me, wanting to learn a little more about social services, and in particular, what services ESM and CCGH provided.

A week or so earlier, it seems, he had a patient that came into the ER presenting symptoms “associated with aging.” Under his care, the patient improved. However, he was caught in a quandary. While this septuagenarian was clinically well enough for the hospital to discharge, this doctor did not think it prudent to release her. Not only was he unsure if she could manage her own follow up, but he did not know what kind of home environment she was returning to. Would there be someone there to assist her? If so, how often would that person be there and what knowledge did they possess?

“Honestly,” my friend stated, “in my experience, medicine is about 70% social services and 30% health care.” Initially I thought he was kidding. The numbers seemed too skewed. But the more I thought about it and thought about my own experience advocating on behalf of CCGH’s residents, I could see how the practice of medicine would extend well beyond basic health care.

Galen, the early Greek physician, is quoted as saying that “a good doctor is also a philosopher.” On one level, Galen appears to say that doctors should move beyond medical training and incorporate critical thought into their discipline. Doctors should address a patient’s medical needs, but he should also think beyond the immediate to how these needs relate to greater issues. On another, though, Galen’s statement could have a more existential resonance. To be a good doctor, must one also be a philosopher. Here philosophy moves beyond a discipline – a systematic study of knowledge and critical issues – and becomes a mode of existence. A philosopher is one who walks a path of reasoned existence and acts according to understanding. To be a good healer of physical ailments, then, one must also be a thinker who loves reason and yearns to live into understanding. In either reading, Galen shows that a doctor is more than a doctor.

Could my friend have found Galen’s modern parallel? Is social work the new philosophy? And if so, does this dual existence enhance the living of the doctor, such that he or she is able to better provide for the patient or does it inhibit the quality of care he/she is able to offer? These are the questions that remain.

In the end, I told my friend about the types of services that CCGH and ESM provide. He was glad to hear about them. Though he may use our services, and continue to show that a MD is more than a doctor, neither he nor I are sure if this is the Social Worker/Doctor is the best mode of existence.

Older Americans’ Month

I’m glad May is designated as Older Americans Month. There is much to celebrate about May and as an older adult, I love May more with each coming year. Warm weather and vibrant color explode in May.
–May is exciting with its emergence of green leaves on trees
–May is exciting with its wild flowers and cultivated ones are blooming colorful blooms.
–May is exciting with its welcomed warmth on my sometimes achy bones.

As a child, I recall making May Baskets for my older neighbors, placing the baskets on door knobs, and running away. I saw older girls dancing around the May Pole. Now I’ll join in the dancing. True fact: an ancestor living in what is now Maine (then Massachusetts) was pilloried for dancing the May Pole (and thrashed for missing church).

What are your memories of May?
How do you celebrate May?

May 3rd, we in the Episcopal Diocese of Washington celebrate our older adults, with special prayers in our churches.
And on May 7th, at 1:30pm, our own Bishop Chane will lead us in worship and celebration in the Bethlehem Chapel of the Washington National Cathedral. Dr. Gene Cohen, who spoke so eloquently at the Cathedral in November, will speak on “resilient aging” and the ongoing role of creativity. Parishes and ESM will present awards to folks honored for their service to God and Community. And, then we’ll feast at a reception.

May is exciting with its celebrations of ourselves as living, dancing, colorful beings on this planet! Please join us as we appreciate Older Adults this May.

Viewpoints in Passing

Passers-by at the ESM booth during the recent Convention of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington were asked to scribble on the tablecloth what their own aging meant to them. Here are some of their thoughts, which resonate – or not – with your views on your own “aging”.

-A good life is a gift of God! Aging is a wonderful and humbling experience
-Growing old is an experience that must be savored (age 55)
-At 83, living into aging is as exciting and rewarding as living with any other part of life.
-A couple of words about aging? gray hair is beautiful!
-More time to give and serve and enjoy others!
-I’ve learned a lot by watching my mother age
-Grow old, not get old
-Aging means harvest, an opening of spirit – “Teach us to number our days to apply our hearts to wisdom”
-I’m 72 years. Growing old is when you start to enjoy your life. You are free to come and go because you don’t have to work.
-Old but still young in mind
-I’m dying
-Wrinkles…. -Hair dye
-Aging is good – if you are in good health as I am (age 77)
-Growing old is hard. Take help where you can find it.
-Its awful!
-Age is just a number. You are always young at heart
-Life gets better every day… wake up and get moving! age 82
-Aging is exciting! age 61
-Looking forward to the wisdom. Aging means more “ah-ha” moments
-Don’t ask me – I’m not! (age 49.9)
-I don’t think about it much
-I AM NOT OLD!
-I am grateful; I am blessed. Freedom to be who I am
-Love it! (age 50) Life gets easier
-Losing my looks
-Hasta la muerle, todo es vida (age 29)
-My goal is to think of it every day and give thanks (age 64)
-I look forward to the increased wisdom that comes with aging
-Grapes sweeten as they are ready for the harvest
-Aging teaches us about our interdependence
-I’m happy to be getting older. I can’t wait to make my own decisions (age 12)
-I wish I could retire but I can’t
-Try to prevent it
-The most natural thing (age 46)
-Aging actually knowing something deeply
-Enjoying life and enjoying the gifts of peace and love
-Aging is having a sense of wisdom that comes from decades of experience and reflection
-At age 90 I’ll think about it
-Is it inevitable?
-Growing wiser every day – even if my knees give  age 50
-I’m not sure I’m ready!

Fostering Independence: Voting and Older Adults

America’s struggle with suffrage is well documented. From Constitutional Amendment to Constitutional Amendment, from enfranchisement of one group to another – Americans have labored to understand how voting rights relate to all persons. Yet this history has culminated in a system of government in which all Americans are guaranteed the right to vote by the Constitution.

I mention this history not to make a political statement, but to point out that many issues comprise it. One issue – independence – is of particular interest. It seems to me that suffrage has a close relationship with the notion of independence. In part, this is likely due to the 26th amendment, which helped to set, if not set, 18 as the magic age of adulthood. On one’s 18th birthday, he/she involuntarily assumes a host of responsibilities. Will I purchase cigarettes? Will I vote? Holy crap, I am able to be drafted. At 18, this fledgling adult becomes independent of a parent/guardian and is expected to act on these new responsibilities.

Since the election last November, I have thought about this connection between voting and independence, especially as it relates to older adults. On the one hand, many older adults exercise their right and, thus, their independence. For decades, older adults have represented a consistent voting block and politicians have worked hard to win their allegiance. On the other hand, exercising that right is not always a possibility. Many persons with mobility impairments cannot travel unassisted to the polls and many others have no support networks to help them request and mail in absentee ballots. Is voting, then, an act of independence for this latter group?

On election day, I witnessed a situation that shed light on the question. Around 10am, a Council member of Christian Communities Group Homes showed up escort residents to the poll, which was located around the block. While several of the residents voted absentee, a few wanted the experience of casting a ballot in person – exercising their right. Thus, three residents loaded into a car with two volunteers, a staff person, and three wheelchairs.

When the group arrived at the poll, the line was stretched around the block. The staff could not find someone to provide instructions so they drove to the end of the line to drop off the residents and volunteers. However, as soon as the residents got out of the car and into their wheelchairs to sit, people waiting in line took charge. “No way are you waiting back here.” “You have waited too long for this.” “Could I please push you to the front?” People said and stepped out of line to walk the residents to the front of the line. Along the way, people, filled with enthusiasm and hope, smiled and shook the residents’ hands. Once inside, the poll workers checked their registrations and allowed them to vote straight away.

Although these residents did not possess the physical capacity to act independently, they did exert a form of independence. They acted willingly, exercising a right to choose for themselves who should become the next President (and DC Councilmember At-Large, of course). They exercised their minds and put their choice into action the way they could. One could say then, that indeed independence is tethered to suffrage, but that there is no common form to that independence. My action of going to the polling booth, the sealing of a ballot by a person working oversees, and an older adult being escorted to a poll are all forms of independence, cut from the same cloth. We, as people working with and connected to older adults, should continue to encourage independence. The world will, no doubt, be richer for it.

Legal planning for the future

Many parents do not have a Power of Attorney to intervene if they are unable to manage their affairs. It is important to approach them about this topic without making them feel like you are trying to take over their lives. Initiating a conversation with your parents about future legal planning can be challenging. However, by identifying the importance of assigning Power of Attorney (POA) and being sensitive to your parents’ feelings, you have already made important steps in making this a successful discussion.

First, get the facts. Make sure you have educated yourself before approaching the subject with your parents. Familiarize yourself with the different types of power of attorney that exist. Limited Power of Attorney, General Power of Attorney, Durable Power of Attorney and Springing Power of Attorney all provide a different set of powers to the designated Agent. Powers of Attorney identify an individual or individuals to make financial and medical decisions on a person’s behalf. You can learn more about Powers of Attorney on line at www.aarp.org.

Timing is everything. Be sure to approach your parents when you are all well rested and clear minded. Free yourselves of any distractions. You may find it helpful to start the conversation by drawing upon others’ experiences or articles you have read. Reassure your parents that their choice to make their wishes known when they are healthy will help to ensure that their wishes are properly carried out if they are unable to advocate for themselves in the future. Also explain to them how completing the Power of Attorney documents will help you if a crisis arises.

Involve others. Don’t be discouraged if your parents are hesitant to engage you. Like other important issues, discussing Power of Attorney is not a one time conversation. In some cases, enlisting the support of a trusted friend, family member, your parents’ physician, clergy member, attorney or accountant may be helpful. Be careful in your consideration of who you involve, particularly if your parents are very private.

Lastly, you may have an idea of who would be best suited to carry out the role of Power of Attorney for your parents. However, remember that it is ultimately your parents’ decision to identify who that person or persons will be. Do your best to keep your defenses down and actively listen to what your parents have to say. In doing so, you will communicate to them that you are there to support them through the process and not take over their lives.

Dementia Goes to Church

I attended a funeral recently.   In attendance was a retired priest.  The first hymn began and the retired priest made his way across the church and began a conversation with another mourner. This behavior seemed a bit odd. Finished with his conversation, the retired priest returned to his seat as the service continued.

During the remembrance section, the deceased’s son-in-law spoke about his relationship with his father-in-law. While he was in mid-sentence, the retired priest, interrupted and asked to say a few words. It turned out that he was a former rector at the congregation. He took the pulpit and proceeded to tell an often rambling story about his relationship with the deceased. All sat politely as he talked in circles about plane rides and bridge games. Gradually, the officiating priest came by his side, gently took his hand and said (referring to the son-in-law) “Let’s let him finish before he loses his nerve.” The retired priest smiled, nodded and sat down. The officiant handled the situation with such grace as did the other attendees. Clearly the mental condition of the retired priest was known and accepted by those familiar with the congregation. During the peace, many went to give the retired priest a special hug.

But it does make you think that as the average age of Episcopalians is ever on the upswing, this could become a more usual than unusual scene on Sunday mornings throughout the Diocese. I wonder if all the rectors and their congregations will be prepared to handle it with the same peace.